Back to my home!

In my world, home = ED!!!

Tonight I start back up in the ED for 2 weeks....YIPPEE!!!! On Friday I finished one month of OB, which involved 15 shifts of 5pm-7am and countless numbers of aliens shooting from vaginas. As most of you know, I am not a kid/infant/child person at all and this whole month just exponentially proved to me that I never will be! I also realized that I have little patience for women giving birth, especially teenagers who whine and bitch about how much it hurts...should have watched the Miracle of Life before you decided to put that uncovered penis in your vagina.

Below is a small sample of the most ridiculous things heard while rotating on OB:

1. "How did this happen??" Amazes me that women now a days don't understand how they can get pregnant...We are in the 21st Century...COME ON!!!

2. "Well, I haven't had sex with anyone in the last year, so I have no idea how I got that STD." This was said while the husband was in the room: he was more upset about her telling us that they didn't have sex than the fact that she had a sexually transmitted disease/and wondering where she got it...LOL!

3. "I don't care if I have an ectopic pregnancy, I am keeping it!!!" Of course, this was after we told her that she needed to have the pregnancy terminated or it could rupture and she could potentially die....she then proceeded to sign out AMA (against medical advice).

4. "But if I don't satisfy him, he will cheat on me like he did during my last pregnancy!" Patient's reply when she was told that because her water broke early at 26 weeks, she should not put anything in the vagina until she delivers.

5. "I really needed a cigarette and the patch is just not cutting it." Said by the patient who was caught by the nurse climbing back into the window of her room which happens to be on the 2nd floor of the hospital!!

6. "Just be gentle honey, I haven't used this thing in years!" Said by the 90 year old women who came to the ED complaining of vaginal bleeding...I totally laughed out loud, which in any other situation would probably be a giant no-no, but the patient was laughing with me so I think its ok.

Time to get ready for my ED shift!! I work 9pm-7am tonight and I am SO EXCITED!!! :)